Obituary

Hello, it is currently 9:51 on Aug 31st and I am laying in bed thinking about my obituary. It’s funny when you think about it, I have not really thought about how I could have died today while I was driving home or to school at any time today. I didn’t really take into account what death would be like. I don’t really think about that much but now that I’m doing this assignment. When I look back on life when I was little I always remember my grandma. When I was a kid I would never think about death even though it was taught at my religious school. We looked at death as a way to celebrate the afterlife with Jesus and how we would serve him forever in heaven. When I was a kid I thought it was the best thing you could possibly do. When my Grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer and she didn’t do well with it. When she was going through hard times we would sit down together and watch the movie Tangled, she and I just loved watching that movie together. At the time as a kid, my dream was to do an animator for Disney. My grandma looked me in the eye and said, “follow your dream honey, whatever it is that you want to do just be proud of what you are doing.” Hearing those words from her made me feel so special to my grandma. Ever since then she and I would watch the movie and just talk about what my future would be and how I would be happy in life. Later on, her breast cancer went away. Two years later she had lung cancer, and due to her getting this, half of her lung was cut out. Because half of her lung was cut, it was hard time for her to breathe a lot. Even though she would get out of breath quickly, she still did the things that she loved even though she was dying from Cancer. I remember walking up to her and asking her, “why are you so calm with dying?” I remember her laughing at this question but she turned to me and said that “I’m not calm when it comes to dying, I just know that when I do pass away, I’m going to see Jesus and I won’t suffer anymore, it’s going to be very peaceful.” It made me so confused at the time cause I was ten and I couldn’t comprehend religion I guess. When I’m looking back on it, I think my passion for doing what I want to do for a living comes from my grandma because she always told me to trust in my gut and always wants me to pursue my dreams. After her lung cancer was done she beat that off, but she later got lung cancer again. Which then lead to her passing away on Aug 10th and then she was buried on my 14th birthday. Ever since that day, I have thought about death a little bit because ever since she passed away I have just been lost without her and I couldn’t really move forward with her death because the next day after my birthday I had to go to SEM (my boarding school). 

When it comes to being a better artist I hope that people will remember me as a kind person, someone who if they need help the first person they think of is my name. When it comes to my friends and family I try to be the people pleaser of everyone in the family. Hence why writing this obituary I wish I just could have been myself around my family. My friends, I am me around them because I know they won’t judge me or if they do it valuable judgment. When it comes to my family anytime I get into trouble or I don’t do something a certain way I am just getting in their way of things. Even though I try my best they still look to me as the young kid in the house that doesn’t know how to do certain things. I don’t want to live my life as a fake person. I want to show the real me and show my interests and ideas with my family and try to be more open-minded with them. My stubbornness gets to me sometimes, I know I have to work on it. What I would want to say to them is that they didn’t make me a successful artist, if anything I believe they are the reason I am having this issue of not enjoying school or photography. I would give anything just to tell my family who I actually am and what kind of art I’m thinking about creating. I wish I could have been more confident in myself just to express how I feel about them. But the living situation is hard right now, so I can’t really speak my mind on certain topics. The only “family” person in my life that makes me feel safe is my dad and my boyfriend. Whenever it gets bad at home, I normally see him in Munster, IN. His family is the nicest people I have ever met and they are so sweet whenever I come down. I really do feel like I’m a part of their family when I see them. They make me feel so happy. And my dad is the person that really stuck with me through all the drama that was happening in the house. 

One thing I wish I could tell myself in High School or just now in general. Not everyone is going to like you, not everyone is going to see eye to eye with you and THAT IS OKAY! You don’t have to feel like you need to please everyone you meet. I know it’s something I did in the past and I still do to this day but in terms of becoming better in my relationships, I have to stay true to myself if I’m ever going to have true happiness in life. Even though some of the decisions I make in life will be scary, just know that you are not alone and that many other people have walked this path. It all hits them in the face when they are on their deathbed. Thinking of the times they could have been more confident in talking to that girl or guy. Wanting to get into that job you really wanted but didn’t have the guts to actually sign up for the class. There are things in life you will regret down the line and we will all look back on them and think, “wow, why didn’t I do this or this.” I think doing this project helped me mentally when it comes to talking about how I could grow as a person. Showing people what I am capable of in terms of being myself around everyone.